I Have To Go
by aspirer
Summary: Bookverse, or AU. Not Movieverse. Picture Lucy a little older . Lucian fic set at the end of 'Voyage of the Dawn Treader'. Lucy visits Caspian to say goodbye. Rated T just for safety.


Disclaimer: Everything belongs to good ol' Clive Staples

AN: This is for Rosie, because she asked for it, and she's a great cyber friend. So here ya go darling. This is set AFTER Aslan appears to Caspian and forbids him from going to the End of the World, and after Caspian apologizes to everyone. In this piece, he's still bitter about it. It is later that day, and Lucy is coming to say goodbye. As with my other Lucian fic, you really should try to picture Lucy a little older than she actually is in _Dawn Treader_ (it's fanfiction, people)

Caspian slammed the door and walked across the tiny cabin to the small, circular porthole that filtered the tainted, grimy light into the room. He held his head in his hands, breathing slowly to calm himself and looking disgusted when he felt streaks of glistening tears on his face. He sank down onto the little bunk he slept on and looked up, still trying to stem the flow of tears. There was a tiny, barely audible knock on the door. Caspian didn't answer, hoping to be left alone.

"Caspian?" it was Lucy, her voice muffled through the door "I'm- I'm coming in"

Caspian rolled over to face the wall as he heard her slip through the door and shut it behind her. There was a small silence.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Caspian rolled his eyes. There was nothing to talk about. Edmund, Lucy, Eustace and Reepicheep were going to the end of the world. And he couldn't go with them. It was Aslan's orders, and Aslan's word was law.

He sat up and told this to Lucy, not troubling to keep the bitter edge out of his voice. She stared at him quietly with subdued eyes as he spoke. When he finished, she stayed silent for a few moments before speaking up, as if to be sure he would listen.

"Caspian, you are needed here. In Narnia"

Caspian looked up at her scornfully.

"I'm perfectly aware of that, _little Queen_" Lucy noticed the sharp tone in his usually fond address "What no one seems to understand is I'm simply being selfish. Right at this moment, I don't want that responsibility."

He rolled back to the wall, indicating the end of their conversation. Lucy, however, continued.

"Well, you have it anyway"

"…what?"

"You have that responsibility whether you want it or not. It's your duty and you have to face up to it. Not for your subjects, not even for Aslan. Just to prove you are one thousand times the ruler your uncle could ever be"

Caspian was once again struck silent. He remained curled up on the bed, his mind racing. Miraz, Trumpkin, Ramandu's Daughter. People and places he'd encountered and promises he'd made. Peter, Susan, Edmund, that infuriatingly strange Eustace person and …Lucy. He sat up and turned to look at her.

She was still watching him carefully, as though afraid of what he might do. And Caspian hated himself for making her feel that way. He opened his mouth to speak but his voice failed him. He blinked suddenly, alarmed to feel more tears coming. He hurriedly dug his hands into his eyes like a child, turning away once more, before he felt her sit on the bunk next to him.

Her soft hands took his and gently coaxed them away from his face. His eyes flicked to hers. There was no accusatory glances, no cold attempt at comfort, just a compassionate smile, tilting the corner of her mouth slightly. Unable to hold himself together, and beyond caring, he let her pull him to her, burying his face in her neck as he cried. She smelt of salt and soap. Her hand held the back of his head and her fingers stroked his hair gently. Everything about her was soft and gentle and quiet and kind. Suddenly, Ramandu's daughter didn't seem very special at all.

Lucy was talking to him in whispers, shushing him and murmuring indistinguishably in his ear. He lifted his head slowly, brushing his cheek against hers softly and almost undetectably. Lucy blushed, feeling suddenly claustrophobic. She shifted away from him, but his fingers curled around her wrist. She looked at him. He was concentrating on her hand, tracing the pad of his thumb over her palm slowly. He was avoiding her eyes.

"Caspian" she said sharply. He looked up. Dropped her hand. A look of hurt flashed across his features. She softened once more "Caspian" she said again, quietly.

His face was slipping back into sullenness. "I'm sorry" she held out her hand, curling her fingers around his when he didn't respond. He was trembling.

"You're freezing" she murmured, lifting his fingers to her face. She held his hand against her cheek, feeling the sting of icy skin and the slight tremors in his nerves. Without thinking, she pressed her lips to his shivering palm. He stared at her incredulously, then leaned forward very quickly, as though doing it so fast would make it easier, and pulled her toward him, meeting her lips halfway. Lucy's eyes widened. His mouth was warm and his hands were unusually soft as he slipped them around her shoulders to get closer to her. She touched his face with her fingertips tentatively. Sensing her lack of response, Caspian broke contact and watched her. She looked down guiltily, before flicking her eyes back to his. Faster again, he tilted her chin and covered her mouth with his, sliding his hands around her waist and smiling against her lips as he felt her pull him closer. Their hearts were beating against each other and Lucy felt suddenly light-headed as he pulled her onto his lap and held the back of her neck, pushing against her lips even harder than before.

Then suddenly, as abruptly as it had began, it stopped. Lucy pulled away and climbed off him, still trembling. He stared at her, a flash of confusion gracing his features before he looked away.

He thought about apologising, but he couldn't bring himself to say the words. Lucy stood up.

'I have to leave' she said 'I came to say goodbye'

She bent slightly and cupped her hands around his jaw. 'Don't worry, I'm sorry too' she placed a tiny kiss on his mouth and stood up. His eyes pleaded with her to stay but still he remained silent. Lucy opened the door to the cabin and disappeared into the hall, as silently as she'd arrived.

AN: Yeah, I know the ending is abrupt and kind of melancholic, but that's how I wanted it. Review me. I dare you.


End file.
